Yesterday afternoon, Caedmon was down for his nap, Derek and Atticus had just left to go play a round of golf, and Adelaide was sulking because she didn't get to go with them. In an attempt to cheer her up while simultaneously fulfilling a promise to bring dessert to a friend's house that evening, I suggested we make cookies. She agreed with enthusiasm.
We were working together quite merrily, watching our mixer cream the butter and peanut butter together, when I opened the drawer that contains our large utensils.
The interior and its contents were crawling with hundreds of tiny ants.
I recoiled, squealed, then paused, debating what to do. I was on a bit of a schedule, knowing I needed to get these cookies made and ready to go before Caedmon woke up. Surely our friends wouldn't notice a stray ant or two in their cookies, right?
Before I go any further, just let me say I have been faced with this kind of quandary before. A little over a year ago, I was once again making cookies for a little get-together a friend was having. I had a little baby Caedmon perched on my left hip, and was mixing with my right. Suddenly, Caedmon-- who had been leaning over the bowl to see what was going on and was coincidentally one of the spit-upping-est babies you've ever met-- ejected a remarkable amount of spit-up, right into the mixing bowl, on top of the almost-completed cookie dough.
I'm not gonna lie- I was tired and really didn't feel like starting over again from scratch with a second batch of cookies. Surely my friends wouldn't notice a little regurgitated breast milk in their cookies?
Then I remembered that Friends Don't Let Friends Eat Cookies That Contain The Ingredient "My Baby's Vomit." I tossed the bowl in the sink and started over.
With this in mind, I realized that Friends Also Don't Let Friends Eat Cookies That Contain Insects. I sighed, tossed the contents of the drawer into a sink of steaming, soapy water, treated the kitchen with insect spray, cleaned and disinfected the kitchen until it was immaculate, and started over.
I am such a good friend.