Monday, July 16, 2012

Secret Ingredient(s)

Yesterday afternoon, Caedmon was down for his nap, Derek and Atticus had just left to go play a round of golf, and Adelaide was sulking because she didn't get to go with them.  In an attempt to cheer her up while simultaneously fulfilling a promise to bring dessert to a friend's house that evening, I suggested we make cookies.  She agreed with enthusiasm.

We were working together quite merrily, watching our mixer cream the butter and peanut butter together, when I opened the drawer that contains our large utensils.

The interior and its contents were crawling with hundreds of tiny ants.

I recoiled, squealed, then paused, debating what to do.  I was on a bit of a schedule, knowing I needed to get these cookies made and ready to go before Caedmon woke up.  Surely our friends wouldn't notice a stray ant or two in their cookies, right?

Before I go any further, just let me say I have been faced with this kind of quandary before.  A little over a year ago, I was once again making cookies for a little get-together a friend was having.  I had a little baby Caedmon perched on my left hip, and was mixing with my right.  Suddenly, Caedmon-- who had been leaning over the bowl to see what was going on and was coincidentally one of the spit-upping-est babies you've ever met-- ejected a remarkable amount of spit-up, right into the mixing bowl, on top of the almost-completed cookie dough.

I'm not gonna lie- I was tired and really didn't feel like starting over again from scratch with a second batch of cookies.  Surely my friends wouldn't notice a little regurgitated breast milk in their cookies?

Then I remembered that Friends Don't Let Friends Eat Cookies That Contain The Ingredient "My Baby's Vomit."  I tossed the bowl in the sink and started over.

With this in mind, I realized that Friends Also Don't Let Friends Eat Cookies That Contain Insects.  I sighed, tossed the contents of the drawer into a sink of steaming, soapy water, treated the kitchen with insect spray, cleaned and disinfected the kitchen until it was immaculate, and started over.



I am such a good friend.


9 comments:

  1. that was so much fun to read :)

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    1. It was pretty fun to write, but I did feel a little trepidation at the thought of any of the people that ate the cookies might actually read this. Just in case they do, I'd like to reiterate: There were no insects or vomit in those cookies!

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  2. Is it bad that I don't find the spit up cookies all that disgusting? As I sit in my scrub pants with Charlotte's dried pee all over that I've been sitting in all day. Babies love to leak right before you're headed out the door, don' t they? There was no chapter about this in "What to Expect"!

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    1. Two years ago you would have found it disgusting. Now, however, you are a mother, and in addition to your heart expanding to ten times its pre-baby size, you can also tolerate things like vomit-laced pastries. Motherhood is indeed a joy.

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  3. A-hem.
    (Adding to my list of requirements for potential friends)

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    1. That they add questionable delicacies to their baked goods, or that they take them out?

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    2. That they take the view "friends don't let friends eat questionable delicacies". :)

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  4. Being someone who consumed the cookies.....they were delicious! And you should add, not one was left to take home...SO ants or not....they were good :)

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    1. I'm glad you took that view; I was afraid you'd read this and be a tiny bit freaked out...

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Did you think you could cheat and just read the comments without writing one yourself? Cheater.