Note: All of Derek's contributions to the conversation are displayed in Blue; he was frequently interjecting and trying to keep the peace at the table.
Last night at supper, Adelaide turned to me and asked, "If you had to pick someone to make omelets and cookies, who would you choose? I mean, who do you think is the best at making those things?"
"Ummm... well, your daddy makes the best omelets, but I make the best cookies, so-"
"No, you have to choose one person to make all of it- like, I think my school makes the best cookies-"
"I BEG YOUR PARDON? Did you just say you think your school makes the best cookies?"
"Oh, no. Take it back, Adelaide, TAKE IT BACK."
Adelaide laughs, not appreciating the gravity of the situation. "Well, I do think their cookies are really really good-"
"Are you saying you think the school's cookies are better than mine? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HERE?"
"Adelaide, tell your mommy that her cookies are the best. Tell her now!"
"Mom! Have you ever even had my school's cookies?"
"Adelaide, you can't use reason in an argument with a female. Now is the time to backpedal. BACKPEDAL!"
"So what kind of cookies are they making that are just so great, hmmm? And I swear, if you say Peanut Butter, Grasshopper, or possibly Oatmeal Raisin (I'm still not quite convinced I have the best Oatmeal Raisin cookie recipe), I WILL DISOWN YOU."
Adelaide is completely unfazed by this, possibly because she doesn't know what 'disown' means. "I just mean they make really good sugar cookies, and those monster cookies that have M&M's in them, and their chocolate chip cookies are the best, too."
"Do you see what they're doing here, Adelaide? I could easily make "the best" cookies if I stooped to putting candy in all of them!"
Again our daughter laughs, totally unconcerned. I glare across the table at Derek, who vigorously nods and says,
"You make the best cookies in the world. I love you."
I'm starting to think Derek's right to be concerned over what his life will be like in ten years.