I have a new favorite game, you guys.
Players required: At least 2- one adult and one or more children.
Materials: One kitchen and its contents, plus a book or other activity the adult can hold in her lap.
Instructions for play: The adult sits quietly with the book (or item of your choosing) in front of you. Be sure your back is to the kitchen. The child will take this as an invitation to dismantle the kitchen (because you're not looking directly at them and therefore obviously have no idea what they're doing), but will do so as quietly as they can due to your proximity. It is imperative that you muffle your snickers when you hear the child try to stealthily slide your 10-pound cast iron Dutch oven out of the kitchen cabinet, and do your best not to laugh aloud when the child accidently drops a whisk then freezes, silently waiting for you to turn around for the next 30 seconds before continuing to empty the silverware drawer.
This will buy you at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted time, but make sure you're paying attention to the sounds behind you, because you want them to think they're still getting away with something when we come to the ultimate step in the game:
Wait until they've unloaded at least one cabinet and maybe a couple drawers, listen to make sure they've put down any heavy objects (just wait for the muffled thud), then whirl around and bellow, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Make sure you do this with a smile on your face. A smile results in the 2 year old jumping a mile, laughing shakily, then running to you for a hug, where you will feel their little heart beating a million miles an hour. No smile on the face of the adult ends in terror, tears, and running and hiding from Mommy.
Sometimes I feel a little sorry for Caedmon.