Thursday, November 21, 2013

Things That Were Said To Me Yesterday

  • "Doesn't take after Mom, does he? *chortle chortle chortle*"  Said by the doctor after calculating the percentile rank for Atticus's height at his yearly well-child appointment.  My son is tall.  I am not.  I get it.  
I desperately wanted to respond with a hearty, fake "HAHAHAHAHAHA," but the key to the faux guffaw is cutting it off abruptly with a stony glare, and anytime I do a big fake laugh I get about three "Ha"s in before I start to laugh for real.  So instead of communicating sarcastic chastisement I'd end up looking completely psychotic, and I generally try to avoid that when in the vicinity of medical professionals evaluating our children.

Of course all this was running through my head immediately after his little joke (Should I try the "HAHAHA"?  Am I finally ready to pull it off?  Or do I really want to risk having my children taken away today?), so I totally missed everything the nurse was saying at that point.  Something about developmental milestones. Probably not important.  (If you're reading this, Derek, don't worry.  I'm sure our son is completely normal.  AS AM I.)

  • "Congratulations!  What are you going to do with it first?"  This was from the lady at the Des Moines Public Library Foundation when I was picking up the Kindle I won.  (Yay!)  My answer was something like, "Thank you so much!" and then I purposely avoided answering her question, because I figured it would just come to me when I had a chance to mess around with my prize.  
I got it home, opened up the box, stared at it for a few minutes... and then closed the box again.  I still don't know what to do with it.  I feel like all my books are looking at me all accusingly, like I'm some kind of traitor.  I've never really felt the need for an e-reader; don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have won the drawing (which I entered by filling out a survey after attending a talk by the author Amy Tan, who, by the way, is immensely entertaining to listen to- if you ever get a chance to hear her speak or to go to one of her readings, definitely, definitely go), but I'm very much an ink-and-paper kind of person.  Books make me happy.  I redecorate my house by rearranging my books.  True, I've had Fahrenheit 451-esque nightmares before (literally), but still... I don't know.  So now I have this lovely prize sitting in my house, and I don't know what to do with it.  Help!  ( I can't help but think this is nothing like the time I won that one awesome prize- I absolutely knew what to do with that.  First I made cookies.  Then I made more cookies.  After that I went a little wild and made cookies again.)

  • "Woman, are you crazy?!"  This was from Adelaide when I informed her we were having popcorn for supper.  Our family eats enough that anymore it's actually somehow less work to just cook a regular meal every night, but we're scraping the bottom of the food barrel and my sister and I decided via text that popcorn is an excellent source of fiber and therefore healthy.  (Don't bother disabusing me of this notion.  It's called willful denial, friends, and it's oodles of fun.)  I'm sure it was especially healthy after I added melted butter and garlic salt.  Supper of Champions.  (And people with high cholesterol.)


  1. 1. I get your reaction to the doctor's joke. Our orthodontist always makes a comment about my girls' big front teeth and I want to sock him one, because their teeth genetically come from me. But hey, we are genetically not prone to cavities, so I'll take that any day over dainty teeth.

    2. Congratulations. My kindle is excellent for business travel. Also, my husband banned me from buying any more books so if I can't get it from the library and it's on Kindle, I will buy it in that format. Amazon has available a whole lot of classics for free in Kindle format. But it makes for clumsy reading - you can't easily flip to the back of the book, or go back a chapter, or look at the copyright date. You can get a fair number of silly, soporific word games on the Kindle. Useful for insomniacs.

    3. Adelaide's reaction to the dinner menu is just priceless!

  2. Oh, the Kindle . . . I didn't want one either, when Rob surprised me with it for Christmas several years ago. Then I discovered how books just drop from the heavens whenever you want them, and how my eyes didn't hurt anymore after hours of reading . . . finally, I dropped my Kindle, about two years after receiving it and the screen cracked. The FIRST thing I did was go to my computer and order a replacement, because now I can't live without a Kindle! And I ordered a cool cover with a built in light.

    On my first one, you could really only move by pages, but on this newer one you can move by chapters, so it's not so difficult to flip through the book. The only thing I can't do easily on it is check the ending of the book. But Wikipedia works well for that :-) Enjoy!

  3. I do so enjoy your way with words! It just makes me feel as if I was there with a special little view into your mind at the moment. I somehow can just picture your sarcastic "HAs" evolving into psychotic giggles. Very entertaining.

    I've been pleasantly surprised at how much I've enjoyed my Kindle, even as I prefer the feel of a book in my hand, the sound of a spine cracking open the first time, the smell of the pages. . .

    (And yes, the instant gratification of downloading books is rather addictive. Beware)

    Popcorn--perfectly acceptable supper as long as you served some chocolate to complement the salty. Just sayin'

  4. looking completely psychotic, and I generally try to avoid that when in the vicinity of medical professionals evaluating our children.
    Brilliant wording!

    Did you know that you can download library books onto your Kindle? That might be something good to try.


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