Tuesday, June 17, 2014

It's Like a Horror Movie Around Here

We're two weeks into summer vacation, which means the collection of toys on top of our kitchen cabinets is growing (every time the boys fight over a toy, I pluck it out of their hands and put it on top of those cabinets, that way they can see it but not actually play with it, my own personal brand of child torture.  It must stay up there for a minimum of one month) and every day Adelaide is critiquing my lunch choices ("Mom, you can't just have chips and salsa for lunch," "Mom, popcorn is not an appropriate meal for an adult."  This makes me feel like I'm in a Friends episode as I rage, "SO I CAN'T DO ANYTHING I LIKE?").

Summer vacation also means at least one member of the family sustains a new injury every day.  I had to buy a new box of band-aids today, and I generally only give those suckers out if there's enough blood to stain the carpet or furniture.

Caedmon has conveniently timed all his incidents to occur right before we head to the library.  I can't help but think this is because they do things like gasp dramatically when he walks in and there's blood running down his face (okay, so that time his eyebrow had connected with the corner of a wooden box shortly before we left for the library, and I had staunched the initial flow of blood before we left the house, but then he put a vikings cap on so I didn't even see his face again until he looked up to smile at all his Lovely Library Ladies, and he was smiling, okay, even with all that blood) or give him an enormous band-aid when he's missing a layer of skin from his knee and then carry him around the library when he insists he can't walk (he tripped on the sidewalk on the way to the library, and I wasn't about to turn the circus that is our family around just to clean up one bloody leg- besides, he got loads more sympathy at the library than he ever would have gotten at home).

As for the rest of us, Atticus acquired an impressively skinned knee trying to skateboard, Adelaide has assorted bruises and scrapes from God only knows what, Derek pulled a muscle in his chest, and I am sporting one bruised and bloody toe because I'd forgotten the horrors to be had in taking all three children to the grocery store at the same time- I had already admonished Caedmon not to stack cans on the quarter-holder-thing that's attached to the handle on the carts at Aldi, I turned around to grab some produce and tell A and A to for heaven's sake stop horsin' around, and that this is not a playground and will you please quit scraping the frost off the inside of the freezer cases and eating it, that's disgusting, when I distractedly began to push the cart forward again, causing three stacked cans of Rotel to come crashing down onto my big toe.  It was one of those moments where all three finally did stop horsing around and stared at me with big eyes that clearly read "The cooling mechanism twirling above our heads is covered in excrement.  Take cover."  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, opened my eyes, looked down at my bloody, bloody foot, wrapped my fingers ever so tightly around Cade's upper arms and quietly told him:  "Do not move.  Do not speak.  Do not breathe."  He looked scared, stuck his fingers in his mouth for comfort, and we all limped through the check-out and out of the store.

And it's only the middle of June.


  1. Oh man oh man oh man. My toes are cringing in sympathy.

    Summer has so many challenges to it. I love your rule about the toys that are fought over!

  2. Rob was always the one who had to take away toys --not for fighting, since Emma didn't have anyone to fight with :-) but because she hadn't picked them up when she was done. I was always too lenient. It's one reason we make a good team --I got to the be nice parent, but she still got disciplined. I'm not sure Rob appreciated this as much as I did.

    What amazes me about kids (and this is still of our teen) is how a scratch or cut can be SO TRAGIC, right up to that second when it gets in the way of something they want to do.

  3. Carter got a doctor visit a couple weeks ago for a huge sliver. I told him that better be the WORST injury this summer. Cue the day before we leave on vacation with a sliced open toe. A Saturday morning doctor visit for that to make sure it didn't need (as we told Carter, since we are such loving parents) "to be cut off." I too, have gone through more band-aids within the past month than in my entire span of motherhood! Let's hope for an injury free rest of the summer!


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