I didn't think much about it at first, because really: Is this a thing? Is washing siding a thing that people do? I don't remember my mom ever washing the siding on our house. That's not to say she didn't, but I never saw it, and I don't think I've ever seen anyone else washing the siding on the outside of their houses, so I just decided to ignore the grime. I am very good at this. You might even say I have a knack.
After a few days, however, it was all I could look at anytime I wanted to walk in our front door; not Hermione, not my flowers whose beauty I surely need to soak up now that their days are numbered, but the dirt on the siding. And I began to wonder if this was one of those things that could be filed under my Adulthood Orientation conspiracy theory.
First of all, I have a number of conspiracy theories, and like all
How many times have I been struck by sudden inspiration- You can stuff newspaper in your wet shoes so they'll dry out faster! Meat should be thawed before you attempt to cook it! Camping is nearly always a terrible idea!- only to have someone else say, "Well, yeah. You didn't know that?"
How do all these people know all the things? Where are they getting this information? I was a perfectly adequately informed child and adolescent; it's only upon achieving adulthood that everyone else suddenly has all this useful information stuffed in their brains while I'm left floundering: How is everyone always so organized? Why can I still not understand the concept of escrow, even after countless explanations by myriad helpful people? What is going on? Osmosis? Simple learning? Or a class dedicated solely to subjects useful to adults- an orientation, if you will- that everyone but me was invited to? I think we all know what the answer is, here.
Apparently regular siding washing in spots not reachable by rainwater was one of the topics covered, because I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to let the siding get to this state:
|Left: Clean. Right: Embarrassing.|
|Look, a bucket of water, pre-siding cleaning! Looking all clean and watery, just the way water should!|
|Look, a bucket of nastiness! And this is only a quarter of the way through! Heavens!|
The truly scary thing is that Derek is such a terrifyingly capable adult that he has to have been one of the instructors in these classes. And yet I was still snubbed?! What have I married?
Seriously, though: Escrow. The first person to attempt to explain this concept to me was an English teacher in high school, and the last was Derek for the fifth time. My brain simply refuses to understand. Send help, or maybe a flow chart? Are flow charts something that could be used to explain escrow? I wouldn't know.