Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Things That Have Been Said To Me This Week

...by our children.

  • "Sign this."  "What is it?"  "Just SIGN IT."  "Caedmon, I'm not going to sign something if I don't know what it says, and I see you wrote a bunch of letters on this, so tell me:  What does it say?"  "It says you promise not to eat any of my Halloween candy."  "I am not signing that."

  • "ARE THEY REALLY GOING TO SURGICALLY REMOVE ONE OF MY EYES?"  From a slightly hysterical Adelaide, after the optometrist suggested a surgical consult for a wandering eye and double vision upon correction.

  • *Sigh* "Mom, sometimes I think the only way that God made me special was to make it so that I can put both feet behind my head at the same time."  "Well, first of all, don't take the whole 'feet behind the head thing' for granted, and second, God made you special in lots of other ways, Bud!"  Long pause, and then, "I guess I do have a lot of girlfriends."  And it's true.  Atticus is somehow never lacking in female attention.  Luckily the first grade set is seriously impressed by extreme, almost grotesque flexibility.

  • "Mom, are hamsters real?"  Turns out Caedmon, after checking a picture book out from the library (Memoirs of a Hamster), thought that hamsters were like other things he's only encountered in books- Batman, the Joker, silly monsters- purely the product of someone's imagination.  He refused to believe Adelaide when she insisted that hamsters are, in fact, real animals.  She made fun of him until I reminded her about her years-long denial of the existence of China.

  • "I don't understand why you get to drink coffee and I don't!  It's NOT FAIR.  WHEN I'M AN ADULT I'M GOING TO LIVE BY MYSELF AND DRINK COFFEE EVERY DAY AND HAVE SOUR CREAM NOODLE BAKE FOR SUPPER EVERY NIGHT AND AS MANY COOKIES AS I WANT."  Anytime Adelaide talks about "being an adult"- in quotations because it's a specific and regular topic of hers- she tends to rant and absolutely speaks in all caps.

  • "Mom, I loved pushing the babies around in the stroller on Sunday.  Even the one that wasn't very cute."  "I thought they were all cute!  Which baby 'wasn't very cute'?"  "You know- the ugly one.  But then the parents came to pick her up and I was like, "Oooooh, this makes sense now."  Yeah, so sometimes at church, when I'm volunteering in the kids' area, Adelaide helps out.  She is not allowed to speak to the parents.


  1. I agree with you on the first one. I would never sign such a document. but such foresight of your son to think about this in advance.

    I sympathize and understand your daughter's terror about eye surgery. Surgery is a daunting idea and surgery anywhere on or in one's head is scary. I hope and pray it all goes well. But she probably shouldn't drink coffee right before the surgery.

    I was excited to read the words "Sour cream noodle bake" because I think this might be the same as noodle kugel, only not expressed in Yiddish! If sour cream noodle bake is slightly sweet (rather than savory) then it's probably the same.

    All the statements are great ones to save and bring up again when they are 17 years old. So funny!

  2. It is a good think you're documenting these --ammunition, indeed. Well, except for that first one --signing that would go against the code of parenting.

    Why haven't any of your kids teachers sent a pet home for the weekend yet? Surely one of them has a classroom hamster . . . I could call for you :-)

  3. So which family isn't cute? I'm going to be on the look out from now on :)

  4. LOL "Oooooh this makes sense now!"

    That cracked me up!


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