I mean that very, very literally. We live in a little town that has been little for quite some time, but has also seen a boom in new construction in recent years, and whomever is responsible for naming the streets of these new developments? Well, I'm not saying they're horrible human beings, exactly, but I am saying that if I happened to have a noose in my hands I would lovingly slip it around their necks. Just to check for fit. Before I flung the other end around a wooden beam.
Twelve feet off the ground.
I am not bothered by slow drivers, the sound of someone chewing doesn't offend my sensibilities, and crying children in public places barely registers. But if, say, there is a street named "Ridgetop" that is not only NOT on top of a ridge, but is, in fact, MILES AND MILES from anything like a ridge, well. Tiny pieces of my mind break off from the mainland and float away, small islands of rage. It is not pretty.
They are everywhere around here, both in my small town and in the larger communities nearby. There's a newer development about fifteen miles south of here whose very name is such a rare combination of absurdity and tackiness that I have to avert my eyes when I know I'm about to drive past it. What does "Talons of Tuscany" even mean? The developer had a thing for Italian birds of prey? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.
Surely it was the same villain who is responsible for a similar development in the same town, brand spanking new construction lining a street named "Vintage Lane." VINTAGE LANE. ALL NEW HOUSES. THIS CRAP MAKES ME CRAZY.
What's wrong with streets named after trees, or presidents, or authors? Or, if you really want something outside of the box, have a fantasy author throw a few names your way; they're great at world-building and the naming of things. I'm not asking for the moon, here. I just can't figure out why the street that runs along the south side of the biggest park in my town is called "Northpark Boulevard." You do not have to be a cartographer to realize that THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
Really, though: Who is responsible for the naming of streets? Because I need a word with them. Pay no attention to the rope behind my back.