Under-Achieving Moms Anonymous

Do you know what I spent my Saturday doing?  Paying for a mistake I made three years ago.


August of 2011, and Adelaide is getting ready to enter Kindergarten.  She is anxious, positive that she will have no friends and get lost and be bored and not entirely sure why I'm abandoning her to the cruel whims of the United States public education system.

Included on the exhaustive supply list was a required 12x12-inch pillow.  They use this for the post-lunch rest time, which five- and six-year olds need so they can get ready for some afternoon learnin' and I can only assume the teachers need because they spend their days in a cramped room with 25 small children, in return for which they receive a pittance of a salary and, ahem, "feedback" from parents even more irrational than their "genius" offspring.  ("Genius":  the second most overused word in the English language, right after "surreal.")

Because Adelaide was having such a hard time with the idea of going to school and being away from me, I wanted her to have something at school that would be familiar and comforting, and so, rather than a generic pillow, I cut up one of my old shirts in her then-favorite color- pink- and made it into a pillowcase,  embroidering her name and some multi-colored flowers on the front, because I am an idiot.

I knew better.  Or I should have.  I do not scrapbook.  I do not throw lavish birthday parties.  I do not celebrate arbitrary holidays created by vast corporations with a product to push.  I set the bar as low as possible the first time around, because I know that each time I do something and label it a tradition, as far as our children are concerned, I am signing a blood contract to forevermore execute said tradition in at least as exciting a way as I did the first time.

I understand the impulse to over-celebrate the crap out of every tiny milestone that comes your child's way, and I am not saying you shouldn't make your child feel cherished and loved to absolute pieces on a daily basis.  What I am saying is that every time you're in the store and you see that simply darling last-day-of-summer-vacation pinata or you're on Pinterest and All The Moms are making four-course breakfasts for their child's first day of school, the question you need to ask yourself is this one:  How much do I hate myself?

When you're doing that extra-special kid-centered thing you've gotta realize that you should be taking the time, money, and energy spent on it times the number of years they're going to live in your house times however many children you have, because even as I was hunched over Atticus's Kindergarten pillow embroidering his name into a scrap of some old corduroy pants of mine, Caedmon was mouth-breathing in my face, "When am I going to get a special pillow with my name and a picture on it?  Can you make it out of this?"  He was touching and asking for the actual shirt off my back, and three years too late, I realized this is the price you pay for over-achieving even once.

I finished our second-born's pillow, then made a gourmet lunch of popcorn, raisins, and granola bars, which I wouldn't even allow them to eat in the house because I was just done.  That pillow used up, like, a three-day supply of motherly patience and creativity.

The one upside to my anti-Martha Stewart parenting practices is that our children are in awe when I make the slightest effort.  I made them each a little book to write in out of squares of white paper I cut up and stapled together.  You'd think I'd felled the trees to create the paper, mined the iron ore from the ground for the staples.  Their mouths were literally hanging open at this wizardry.  So if one of our children shows you one of their "books" they've written, do me a favor and act astounded at this creation.  Maybe throw around terms like "Best Mom Ever" and "Luckiest Child Alive."  Also don't show them all the incredible things you do for your own children.  It takes a village to keep expectations this low.

Proof That I Actually Do Get Things Done Every Once In A While

Like just about everybody else, I love Pinterest.

Well, like just about every other woman.  Pinterest doesn't really seem to be much of a draw for males.  I was all excited about it when I first got on there a few months ago, and so of course wanted to share it with Derek.  I tried to describe it to him, but he was thoroughly underwhelmed.  "Just look," I insisted.  "It's so cool.  You'll love it."

So I showed it to him, and took him on a little tour of the site.  He was, once again, thoroughly underwhelmed.

Anyway, one of my favorite things to check out are the many, many DIY and craft inspirations that can be found on there.  The problem is you end up pinning project after project after project, then end up not actually doing anything.

My solution was to ban myself from logging on for two months.  I told myself I could end my self-imposed exile after I had completed 5 projects.  I love seeing other people's final Pinterest-inspired products, and I've been meaning to post my own for awhile, but I didn't before because 1) Most of them were gifts, and I decided it might be a good idea to actually give them to their recipients before I put them up here, and 2) I forgot.

And so, without further ado (oh, except to say that I've provided a link underneath each photo to take you back to the original site from which I received inspiration- have to give credit where credit's due, and this way I don't actually have to give instructions on how to do any of these):

Steph's Yarn Wreath

Kelli's Yarn Wreath

Mom's Yarn Wreath

Steph's Pillow

My pillow

That's right, I kept one for myself- and let me tell you what, Derek loves seeing this uber-masculine accessory on our bed every day.

I keep telling myself that someday I won't have three small children that like to destroy and scatter any and all craft supplies they come across, and I'll be able to complete more than five crafts every six months.

Someday.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

My mom and her two sisters are crafty.

By "crafty," I don't mean rubbing their hands together and cackling while plotting someone's demise (actually, I can totally see them doing that).  What I really mean is they enjoy making crafts.  They quilt, knit, crochet, sew, cross-stitch, and have no remaining fingerprints from years and years of wielding a hot glue gun (which is a plus when it comes to the other kind of craftiness).

They recently started a blog together, Confessions of Three Former 4-Hers.  They write about the various projects they're undertaking.  Between the three of them, I don't think they'll ever run out of material.

My two aunts live near Joplin, Missouri, which you may remember was hit by a devastating EF-5 tornado last spring.  A whole lot of people lost everything, including, of course, their homes... which is where the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition comes into the picture.

This television show (you know, the one who's host is Ty Pennington, who could be a  posterchild for ADHD?) recently came into Joplin and completed 7 Homes in 7 Days for an episode that will air sometime in January.  I've watched the show before, and seen all the volunteers hammering and sawing and moving furniture... but I never really gave much thought to all the sewing that would need to be done for a brand-new home with brand-new furnishings.  I guess I just assumed they bought all their pillows, curtains, etc, ready-made.

Apparently, I was wrong.

These two aunts of mine have recently donated a considerable amount of time and labor to this show and the homes they were creating.  They were part of a team of sewers who made everything from quilts and curtains to pillows and duvets.

Oh, and they've been blogging about it the whole time.

It's been really interesting to read about the other side of the show, more of a behind-the-scenes look at all that goes into the creation of these houses.

You can check it out, too, either by clicking on the link I provided above, or by going down to the bottom left corner of this page and clicking on Confessions of Three Former 4-Hers under Blogs We Read. If you scroll down on their blog, you can read the posts in order, starting with the post "Kay and Sherry's Incredible Adventure."

Happy Reading!