"I love dictionaries."
"I don't like dictionaries; dictionaries are mean. They're always telling you how you're wrong."
I won't tell you which child uttered which sentence to protect the identities of the innocent, but if you know our offspring at all, you can probably make a not-so-wild guess. The orator of that second statement was also offended when Derek and I laughed wildly at how injured they evidently feel by dictionaries in general.
You know what I don't care for? Official documents. I'm getting pretty dang sick of being told that a Kansas birth certificate/ Oklahoma marriage license/Iowa immunization record/WHATEVER isn't the right kind or isn't official enough (wish I was making that up) to get us little things like driver's licenses or school enrollment. I've learned this much about myself, though: There are many professions I've looked at and thought, "Sure, I could do that," but those that involve cutting through bureaucracy and red tape and paperwork for paperwork's sake? No. Not in this lifetime, nor in a million that follow. I was ready to scream after being bounced from one DMV supervisor to another so they could inspect the aforementioned OK marriage license to see if it really really truly proved I was married. I didn't, obviously, because hi, I wouldn't last five seconds in jail, but I did go so far as to arrange my facial expression into one of long-suffering forbearance laced with mild irritation. TAKE THAT, STATE OF CONNECTICUT.
I don't really understand why most of these things are a problem in the first place. All of these documents are from the same country, aren't they? And aren't they just pieces of paper, anyway? Maybe that's my problem- I don't put a lot of value in a piece of paper. It reminds me second grade Adelaide who nearly fell to pieces trying to figure out why everyone put so much stock in American currency when it was all just special paper, and shouldn't money have actual worth? I spent a good month warning people not to get sucked into any conversation with her that started with the question, "Do you know what pennies are actually made of?" Emails with her teachers have always been fun.
|Adelaide explaining the social construct that is modern currency.|
The only time this ever touches me professionally is when someone wants a new library card and I have to ask them for ID. Most of the time they have it ready and on their person, but when they don't, or it's not a library-sanctioned form of identification or personal mail, it's so hard for me not to shrug my shoulders and say, "Whatever, it's fine." And yes, I know ID is required to protect the library from theft and blah blah blah. Please don't bother engaging me in a conversation about this, because I know the arguments for and against- I just don't care. It's the wonderful and terrible thing about those of us whose attitude toward official documentation is "I'm sure it's fine" and "Good faith efforts are good enough for me." Please also note that this is yet another way that I am Derek's polar opposite. Whee!