Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Bless Me, Pinterest, For I Have Sinned


  • I've never made anything using a Mason Jar.  Unless you count salsa, which I'm pretty sure you don't, because it doesn't involve a lightbulb.

  • I haven't made any of the Dairy-, Gluten-, Soy-, Fat-, Calorie-, Taste-Free brownies you champion.  Because ick.  

  • I likewise haven't made any of your desserts that somehow cram ice cream sandwiches, whipped cream, candy bars, cake, cookies, and frosting all in one pan.  Because ick.

  • My pantry doesn't look like a showroom at the Container Store.  It looks like the place where I cram as much food as possible after grocery trips.  Weird.

  • I've never Photoshopped pictures of my kids until they look less like human beings and more like Japanese cartoon characters.  I don't even have Photoshop, Pinterest.

  • I don't like quotes from movie stars.  They're not deep wells of wisdom, they're actors, for crying out loud.

  • I've never cared for Marilyn Monroe.  I'll never understand your obsession, Pinterest, with a woman most famous for being an actress, having an affair with the President, suicide, and being posthumously diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder.  

  • There is no silverware in my house that has been repurposed into photo holders, coat hooks, jewelry, key chains, a chandelier, wind chimes, or yard art.

  • I don't paint my nails, let alone have time to give myself a full-on manicure every other day.  What's the point?  My hands spend half their day in water: doing dishes, cooking, cleaning up after my children have had their latest brilliant idea, bathing children after same...

  • I don't wear those outfits that are so coordinated, they include a Starbucks cup.  1) I have no interest in spending half our family's monthly budget on one outfit, and 2) you're lucky if my clothes are clean on any given day, never mind being matchy- matchy and artfully carefree.


  • I don't know how to knit.

  • I've never made a diaper cake, diaper train, or used diapers for anything other than their original intention: catching babies' waste.  In fact, I'm a little leery of baby showers in general.


I accept my penance:  Coating anything and everything in my house with chalkboard paint and then taking pictures at every possible angle. 

But I probably won't do that, either. 





22 comments:

  1. i think pinterest's new tagline should be, "pinterest: because ick."

    also, my thighs do not look like sinewy horse haunches. pinterest seems to take issue with that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Until Pinterest, I didn't know you were supposed to be able to drive a semi-truck through the gap between your thighs. I have no idea how to make that sound any less dirty.

      Delete
    2. I LOLed!! at this comment! Great post!!

      Delete
  2. also, i suspect pinterest is starting to notice your disdain for celebrity quotes and has attempted to sneak them in under the radar. it has begun taking those same quotes and attributing them to lord byron or c.s. lewis or someone. i'm pretty sure tennyson didn't say, 'turn that frown upside down.' but what do i know?

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  3. LOL! I don't "pinterest" (it's a verb by now, right?)

    And given your list, my lack of pinteresting is a good thing. Because, ick.

    :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are, indeed, some terrifying things to be found while on Pinterest. While Pinteresting.

      Delete
  4. Mason jars with light bulbs? What's up with that?

    No interest in Pinterest here, either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mason jar sconces, Mason jar chandeliers, Mason jar everything having to do with light fixtures. It's a thing. A thing I'm not doing.

      Delete
  5. tee, hee

    I think I am the only one in the universe who doesn't understand how to surf pinterest but uses it instead as my own personal bookmarking organizer. I come across something on the internet I like and "pin it" but have never gotten into looking at other people's boards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that's the healthy way to use Pinterest. Let's call it "Pinterest with Boundaries."

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    2. Make that two people in the universe who use it that way. I love this whole post so much. I'm glad BlogHer shared it!

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    3. Love this post! I, too, use Pinterest with boundaries. I'm a neat freak, so instead of printing out ideas or ripping ideas out of magazines, I just "pin" them neatly to a cyber board that I never look at. Instead of having an overstuffed real-life folder that I never look at.

      Delete
  6. I laughed at all of these until I got to the knitting part. And the chalkboard paint part. Now I feel so ashamed...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The shame is mine. I like the Mason jar fixtures, and chalkboard paint, and halfway wish I knew how to knit. It's a lack of time and motivation (mostly motivation) that keeps me from doing these things.

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  7. Funny...I was just looking at my "boards" the other day and thought I should really delete 90% of this....I'll never do any of it! :) Amazing that I've been chairbound for 10 days now and have yet to surf pintrest.....impressive I know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You should start a Pinterest rehab program. "How to Successfully Extract Yourself From the Time-Suck That is Pinterest."

      You could make... well, maybe not millions, but TENS of dollars!

      Delete
  8. Oh my, what a treat your post is. My name is Lynn and I’m a Pinaholic.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Funny! The Mason jars? Seriously!! Come on!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Mason jars are out of control. It makes me wonder what the next crazy Pinterest fad is going to be. Old coffee cans? Cigar boxes?

      Delete
  10. Oh my gosh, I love this. I pin lots of stuff, but sometimes I just shake my head and think "that's not a good idea" -- and those are usually the pins that are re-pinned a kabillion times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? There's a recipe I pinned on there that's been repinned hundreds of times and gotten several positive comments. Well, I finally tried it a few months ago, and it was very mediocre. Makes no sense.

      Delete

Did you think you could cheat and just read the comments without writing one yourself? Cheater.