- I've never made anything using a Mason Jar. Unless you count salsa, which I'm pretty sure you don't, because it doesn't involve a lightbulb.
- I haven't made any of the Dairy-, Gluten-, Soy-, Fat-, Calorie-, Taste-Free brownies you champion. Because ick.
- I likewise haven't made any of your desserts that somehow cram ice cream sandwiches, whipped cream, candy bars, cake, cookies, and frosting all in one pan. Because ick.
- My pantry doesn't look like a showroom at the Container Store. It looks like the place where I cram as much food as possible after grocery trips. Weird.
- I've never Photoshopped pictures of my kids until they look less like human beings and more like Japanese cartoon characters. I don't even have Photoshop, Pinterest.
- I don't like quotes from movie stars. They're not deep wells of wisdom, they're actors, for crying out loud.
- I've never cared for Marilyn Monroe. I'll never understand your obsession, Pinterest, with a woman most famous for being an actress, having an affair with the President, suicide, and being posthumously diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder.
- There is no silverware in my house that has been repurposed into photo holders, coat hooks, jewelry, key chains, a chandelier, wind chimes, or yard art.
- I don't paint my nails, let alone have time to give myself a full-on manicure every other day. What's the point? My hands spend half their day in water: doing dishes, cooking, cleaning up after my children have had their latest brilliant idea, bathing children after same...
- I don't wear those outfits that are so coordinated, they include a Starbucks cup. 1) I have no interest in spending half our family's monthly budget on one outfit, and 2) you're lucky if my clothes are clean on any given day, never mind being matchy- matchy and artfully carefree.
- I don't know how to knit.
- I've never made a diaper cake, diaper train, or used diapers for anything other than their original intention: catching babies' waste. In fact, I'm a little leery of baby showers in general.
I accept my penance: Coating anything and everything in my house with chalkboard paint and then taking pictures at every possible angle.
But I probably won't do that, either.